what is it about affirmation

Many years ago I read the very popular book titled The 5 Love Languages, I think everyone has either read this book or is at least familiar with it. The way I feel loved is through acts of service but a close runner up is words of affirmation. When I get an affirming word from others, it speaks love to me. It encourages me, puts a smile on my face, and makes me feel really good about myself. Give me an affirming word and it will last me a long time. On the flip side, give me a negative word and I can find myself discouraged, sad, and down about myself. I'm not talking about those times when truth is spoken to me in love by people I love, respect, and have a deep relationship with. Thank goodness I have people in my life who are honest with me and challenge me to be the woman, wife and mother God created me to be. What I'm talking about are the times when something negative is spoken against me that results in my feelings being hurt. Thankfully I don't find myself in this position that often.

What is it about not being affirmed by others that can have such a negative affect on me? Why do I sometimes take words that others say and it feels like a sting on my heart?  Or there are times when I perceive a negative vibe from someone and then I find myself replaying past conversations with that person in my head and wondering if I came across in a certain way, said something wrong, should have said something different? Or I question if they think I'm a good person, a good mom, a good wife, a good homeschool teacher to my kids, and the list can go on. I recently had a situation where I was hurt by something a friend said to me. As I was feeling hurt and also a little betrayed, I found myself stuck. Stuck in the numerous thoughts like I listed above. I was driving myself nuts over this, so I finally did what I know best, I spent time praying about the situation.  Like always, God turned my eyes back on myself and off this other person (He's very good at that) and made me see that I so often seek affirmation from others when what I need to be doing is seeking my affirmation from Christ alone. I think this is a lesson I keep on learning as I grow up. Luckily this specific lesson is fewer and farther between but every now and then I have a wake up call and that's exactly what this situation did for me. I decided to look up some verses to act as reminders when I find myself seeking affirmation from others and not from Christ alone. They really spoke to me.

Galations 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.


1 Thessalonians 2:4 We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. 

2 Corinthians 5:9 So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

I want to live my life under God's approval, not man's approval. I want to please my Savior because He is the one who knows my heart. I'm so thankful I have God's word and that it can speak so clearly to me in my time of need. When I find myself in this situation again, I am going to act quicker and look towards God first and seek His approval before I look to man. I love what Beth Moore said in one of her studies. She shares how she seeks God's approval and any other approval that comes from others is icing on the cake, above and beyond what she needs. I just love that. So what about you? Can you relate?