What if?

What if I had spent more time with her?
What if we had reached out to their family more?
What if I prayed for her more?
What if I had been a better mentor?
What if I served her better?
What if I loved her deeper?
What if I invited her to more things?
What if I made more time to just sit and talk?

These are all questions I have asked myself over the past several months. I'm talking about a girlfriend of mine (who doesn't read my blog) who I had the pleasure of sharing my faith with. For 8 years I shared Christ with her, I took her to Bible study, we sat on my living room floor studying God's word, I became a mentor to her, she looked up to me and I taught her about being a daughter of Christ, about being a mom, a wife, a friend. We gave her a ride to church, I loved her son as if he was one of mine, and I even had the honor of praying with her as she made her decision to ask Jesus to be her Savior. And then the most special moment, where I got to baptize her on a Sunday morning in front of our friends and family. Even after that day our talks continued, our time in Bible study was a weekly event, but then she started drifting. It was a slow drift, not really noticeable at first. She started talking about a couple who she met at the Asian market, they spoke her language and she loved that. She was drawn to them. She hadn't been able to speak her native tongue with anyone and she was excited to finally have someone to communicate with who could understand her every word. She was introduced to a community of people who spoke her language. She started attending church with them, I began to hear the term Jehovah Witness. Before long her husband started going to church with her, something he had never done with her before. It wasn't long before she spent less time at our church and more time with them. I noticed this couple's van (the same couple who introduced her to the JW church) at her house almost on a daily basis. I'm sure this made them feel special, feel wanted, feel needed, feel like they had community. I can't tell you how hard it was to restrain myself from walking up to her house (she lives two doors down) and fight for her faith, to come back to what she had learned for those 8 years I had spent with her. She assures me she studies the same Bible, she believes the same things. I know better. It makes me very sad. I have conversations with her son. He tells me they will no longer be celebrating Christmas because he is now not sure that Jesus was even born. My heart broke, I assure Him that Jesus was born, that Jesus died on the cross, that Jesus will be returning and that Heaven waits for us, for him. I remind him, I practically beg him to never forget that Jesus loves Him so much, regardless of what church he goes to. And then I'm left with so many questions like I mentioned above. All those what ifs?
What do they have that we didn't have? Could it be that they finally found a community that they had never experienced before? I'm at a loss. All I can do is pray, pray that God will reveal Himself like He never has. That they will discover the truth and that the truth will set them free. My conversations are so limited now, she has placed a distance between us which makes it nearly impossible to dive into a deep conversation. There is a darkness in her eyes, as if something has a hold of her. The light that was once there is gone, I haven't seen it in a long time. I miss that. I miss her. Her husband won't make eye contact with me, not even a glance to allow for a friendly wave. For once in his life he is diving into the church thing, he wants to tell others about his new found faith yet he won't even look my direction? It confuses me. Why did he never come to church with her, with us. What do they have that we don't? Her son comes down less frequently, he now has to ask if he can come down and play and most of the time he is told no. What can I do? I know I can't live out her faith for her, I can't make decisions for her, she has to be the one to do that. I guess I have to let her go down this path and pray like the persistent widow that she return to her faith in Jesus. I just can't help but feel a little responsible.

What if I had spent more time with her?

What if we had reached out to their family more?

What if I prayed for her more?

What if I had been a better mentor?

What if I served better?

What if I loved deeper?

What if I invited her to more things?

What if I made the time to just sit and talk?